I could not fathom, at the time, why He wanted me to meet you. I was in our Monday evening Prayer Meeting when the news came that you were ill and in hospital. We were asked to pray for you. Afterwards, I could sense the tugging of His Spirit on my heart to visit you. I did not know you then, but I knew His Spirit and so I went.
The drive to the hospital had my emotions veering between mild anxiety and joyful excitement. The anxiety vibrated through my being as I hoped that someone I knew would be at your side when I arrived. Yet, the excitement of discovering the secret of His heart in the reason He sent me to you, was overwhelming, and caused me to hope that I could meet with you alone.
The wait in the hospital foyer lasted only a few minutes, before we were allowed in for visiting hour. And then I was entering your room.
It was immediate. The intense, intimate and holy presence of God. I drew closer to you, not knowing what to say or even if I should speak. You stared back. It was then that I felt it; the changing of my heart. I reached for your
hand and held it lightly so as not to scare you. But you gave me your “what you think you doing?” look and my heart melted.
hand and held it lightly so as not to scare you. But you gave me your “what you think you doing?” look and my heart melted.
We could have been in eternity during those few moments. It seemed as though we were soaked in the presence of the Holy Spirit as I silently allowed God to reach into the darkness in my heart and cleanse the debris of my broken spirit. I knew then that I would never forget you. I left the hospital certain that our Saviour would lead me back to you one day. And He did.
Tonight, after spending time with you again, I suddenly knew what had changed. You were the lesson. For so long I had craved to know just some of the pureness of God; for so long I had wanted to soak up just some of God’s divine holiness. And through you I did. For so long I had hungered for God to restore just a measure of His innocence to my parched soul. And through you He did. He taught me that the question in my heart could never be, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” but instead, it would now be, “My God, my God, why have you accepted me?”
Sean, I have to wonder if you know how fortunate you really are; to be so free to live in God’s presence, with no hinderance of self. To be so alive to His goodness and His kindness through His commitment to provide for you. To be so loved by a Saviour, without being tarnished by pride. Surely you could teach us how to trust Him? I believe you are teaching me!
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
© Natalie Hill
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