Forgiveness

Father God, in my relationship with you today you are telling me that I must forgive. You do not say that I should, or that I could. You say that I must forgive. So I wonder about this and ask, “Why? Why must I forgive?” I do not ask this in rebellion, but simply because my heart desires to understand and to obey. And as I find myself in the silence of my thoughts, gently your Spirit guides me, and you say:

“Remember what you once read? “The only thing that evil needs to prosper is for good men to do nothing!” This is why you must forgive. When you do not, you stand in the darkness of the devil and give power to his cause. If you do not forgive, you allow evil to prosper.”

I think about this deeply. Graciously you remind me of these words I heard: “I once was lost, but now am found. I once was blind, but now I see. I once was dead, but now I live.”

I was there.  I once was there, Lord, where evil dwelt in my heart as in the heart of the one who hurt me. I too wandered many years in desolation while the storms of life sapped the nourishment of my soul; and the flaming arrows of satan eroded away at my hope until my spirit was paralysed. I too was there, BUT You saved me! You did not have to; you chose to. So now I live!

My soul begins to stir. Your Spirit nudges my heart to peek into the heart of the one who hurt me. I shudder. “Lord, my God,” I cry out. “See what lies there. See the anguish. See the wretchedness; the trails of pain left by those that hurt him. His soul is dry, Lord, ensnared.” “No, my child,” You reply, “it is you that must see!”

“I came to save all. You are all victims of the devil’s darkness. My child, do you know of the hurt you have inflicted upon others? Do you see the devastation caused to their lives? No! satan speaks to you in the flesh. He suggests to you that some pain is worse than others and some sin more serious than others. My child, this is a lie. There is no big sin and no small sin. There is only sin. And all sin causes pain.

I died to set free each one that My Father created, because each one is precious to Him. Your freedom was born out of My forgiveness, your restoration out of My mercy, your eternal life out of My excruciating death. The one who hurt you needs My mercy and My salvation, just as you once did. As you still do! You must forgive, because My freedom flows through mercy and My salvation floods out the darkness with it’s light. You must forgive so that evil will not prosper!”

Still I want to protest, but suddenly it occurs to me:

You are silent, as You were when they mocked You, beat You and spat on You. You are silent, as You were when Your blood flowed like rivulets from the thorns shoved into Your flesh. You are silent, as You were when they hammered the nails into Your hands and purposefully thrust the sword in Your side. You are silent. But I hear Your cry and it is one of agony, “Father, forgive them…….

My mind echoes what I have often heard. When you forgive, you set yourself and the other person free from darkness. I ponder this and something occurs to me: When we forgive, do we not set Jesus free? And so I see. The choice is mine. I can forgive and in so doing, set Jesus free, to heal, to restore and to save. Or I can not forgive and in so doing, allow the evil of satan to prosper. The very evil that hammered the nails into the hands of Jesus and crucified Him! Just then my spirit soars: “Lord,” I cry, “for You I will forgive!”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21

© Natalie Hill

For Sean Commin

I could not fathom, at the time, why He wanted me to meet you. I was in our Monday evening Prayer Meeting when the news came that you were ill and in hospital. We were asked to pray for you. Afterwards, I could sense the tugging of His Spirit on my heart to visit you. I did not know you then, but I knew His Spirit and so I went.

The drive to the hospital had my emotions veering between mild anxiety and joyful excitement. The anxiety vibrated through my being as I hoped that someone I knew would be at your side when I arrived. Yet, the excitement of discovering the secret of His heart in the reason He sent me to you, was overwhelming, and caused me to hope that I could meet with you alone. 

The wait in the hospital foyer lasted only a few minutes, before we were allowed in for visiting hour. And then I was entering your room.

It was immediate. The intense, intimate and holy presence of God. I drew closer to you, not knowing what to say or even if I should speak. You stared back. It was then that I felt it; the changing of my heart. I reached for your
hand and held it lightly so as not to scare you. But you gave me your “what you think you doing?” look and my heart melted.

We could have been in eternity during those few moments. It seemed as though we were soaked in the presence of the Holy Spirit as I silently allowed God to reach into the darkness in my heart and cleanse the debris of my broken spirit. I knew then that I would never forget you. I left the hospital certain that our Saviour would lead me back to you one day. And He did.

Tonight, after spending time with you again, I suddenly knew what had changed. You were the lesson. For so long I had craved to know just some of the pureness of God; for so long I had wanted to soak up just some of God’s divine holiness. And through you I did. For so long I had hungered for God to restore just a measure of His innocence to my parched soul. And through you He did. He taught me that the question in my heart could never be, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” but instead, it would now be, “My God, my God, why have you accepted me?”

Sean, I have to wonder if you know how fortunate you really are; to be so free to live in God’s presence, with no hinderance of self. To be so alive to His goodness and His kindness through His commitment to provide for you. To be so loved by a Saviour, without being tarnished by pride. Surely you could teach us how to trust Him? I believe you are teaching me!

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

© Natalie Hill